Stumbling Through Business
"We learn to walk by stumbling." Old Bulgarian Proverb
My friend Jan Yager, author of many great books, including "Who’s that Sitting at my Desk? How to Succeed by Mastering Work Relationships" ,asked me a question the other day that got me thinking about my many faux pas in life.
Early in my real estate career, I was getting ready to shut down an open house I was holding for a client (after 2 days of non-attendance), when a Korean gentleman walked in, looked around and said in very broken English, "I would like to buy this house. Will you take cash?" I will never forget how flabbergasted I was. I was somewhere around 30 years old and had never dealt with anyone from Korea, so the thought that there might be cultural issues entangled in the transaction never dawned on me. I was just so excited to have an opportunity to sell the house that I had to work extra hard to keep my body still and not jump up and down, or give the guy a big hug. I put my hand out and gave him my extra-firm style "glad we’ll be working together" handshake. My daddy had taught me at about age 10 that a good, firm handshake was a major key to success in life.
A number of factors made the transaction difficult; negotiation styles, language barriers, a racist and realtively uncooperative seller, the fact that the buyer did not see any reason for his wife to sign any documents (even though it was a community property state and she was required to sign), and some anxiety and suspicion on the part of the buyer during the escrow process (in regard to title). Nevertheless, the sale went through, and everyone was happy in the end. In fact,the Korean family invited me to the most fabulous housewarming party when they moved in. To this day I have not forgotten their hospitality.
What was my faux pas, you ask? Well, first of all, this was in the days of hand-written agreements, pre-Internet, pre-cell phones, and pre-fax machines. That meant that every time there was a counter-proposal in the negotiations, I would get the party to sign the hand-written document, jump in my car, drive over to the other party’s house, get them to sign an acceptance or counter proposal, then drive back to the other party’s house, get them to sign, and so on. Well, every time the Korean man signed anything (and reluctantly had his wife sign as well), I would reach out and shake his hand. Although I hadn’t noticed it the first time (probably in my excitement of knowing I had sold the house), the second time I took his hand to shake it, I noticed he pulled back a bit. The third time, he stpped back and said, "I’m sorry, in my country a man and woman do not shake hands unless they are married. It is immoral."
Gulp. Involuntarily, a red hot blush came over my face. I apologized, and took a step back from him. His wife was no where to be seen. Thankfully, he was gracious to me and said, "It’s okay. I am in America now."
I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that it was important to study up on the etiquette and protocol in business in different cultures. The basics, at the very least. There is a great series of books on this topic I recommend called "Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands", by Terri Morrison and Wayne Conway, that will help give you the edge when you are oding business internationally, and here in the US with people of different cultures of yours.
This is, of course, only one of many business and personal faux pas, but in the words of Jim Rohn, "How many times does a child fall before he learns to walk? As many as it takes!"
copyright 2008 Julia Marrocco all rights reserved
Tags: business, international, real estate, relations, relationships, Success, workplace
