Understanding Grief in the Workplace
A Primer on Loss and Grief for Leaders
If you are running a company of any size, you hear about some relative or friend of your workforce dying almost every day. In even the smallest company, there is loss all around your employees. Loss you don’t see, and I am about to make you aware of. Hate me now, thank me later.
- Loss is unavoidable and inevitable. It does not discriminate based on convenience, timing, readiness, maturity, ageor any other criteria. Loss is the end of something familiar, necessitating change in behavior, due to a change or major adjustment or event.
- Grief is the feeling (s) caused by the loss. Grief is also the work that the victim (s) of the loss must complete, mentally, emotionally, and physically, to become whole and fully functional after the loss.
- The loss is not always death; in fact, their are many other non-death losses that cause grief. There are many misconceptions and much ignorance around what causes grief, and how to deal with it.
- You can help your employees, and build positiveenergy and morale in your company, by educating yourself and your employeeson how to deal with it. The more knowledgable you are about grief and loss, the more functional your employees will be, meaning ultimately, more productive, more engaged, and more profitable.
Types of loss go way beyond death of a loved one, which is what we tend to think of when someone brings the topic up. Here is just a short list of of grief / loss:
1. Death: of parent, spouse, child, sibling, other relative, close friend, pet, business colleague …
2. Family loss: divorce, empty nest, separation, loss of parental rights, infertility, runaway child …..
3.Financial loss: embezzlement or fraud, market loss of savings or retirement, loss of job or business
4. Loss of health: Chronic pain, any major medical issue, diagnosis of disease (self or loved one )……
5. Trauma: someone you know commits suicide, natural disasters, car accidents, violent crime nearby
6. “Intangible Loss”: Loss of safety, status, normalcy, or a sense of order, loss of trust, relational loss …
Okay, that’s a very short list. You don’t have time to read the whole list. What should be striking you is that most loss is not death, yet it is loss that necessitates change, and sets the grief (feelings) into motion. The grief is the process work that needs to be done. You see, in our culture, when someone’s spouse dies, we say “Take time off. Heal. Come back when you’re ready”. When someone is going through a divorce, we say things like “There are plenty of fish in the sea”, “Time heals all wounds”, “You need to be strong for your kids”, and “Come on out with the girls: it will take your mind off him “, and so forth, ad nauseum. Our intentions are good. We mean well. But we’re not helping at all, in fact, often we make it worse by our own ignorance.
In one article I can’t give it all to you, but I can give you a few main principles:
1. Most grief in the workplace is not caused by death. It is caused by other events. The grief work needs to be completed whether it is a loss by death or a non-death loss. Either is the same process.
2. Grieving people need to be heard, not fixed. Don’t worry about what to say to them. Just listen, without saying anything, especially things like “I know how you feel” “Keep the faith” or “Cheer Up”.
3. A grieving person will experience a number of natural, normal responses after a loss, including, but not limited to: Disorganization, disrupted sleep patterns, confusion, difficulty making decisions, tiredness / fatigue, trouble concentrating, bodily and / or behavioral symptoms, psychosomatic disturbances, temporary depression, and so on. Short term coping behaviors, which eventually create additonal problems, may include drinking excessively, using drugs, anger, obsessive exercise, fantasy, sex, shopping / spending money, food binges, or workaholism.
4. Grief makes a person unable to cope normally. Grief causes stress. Stress is a major cause of illness. Never underestimate the physical toll of grief.
5. Grief, although painful, is a normal and natural reaction to loss. Counseling facilitates the process of grief, which must be completed, and it is never too early to start the process. When grief is interrupted it will remain unresolved and later resurface as an issue
6. Healthy grief processing techniques include counseling, support groups, stress-reduction techniques, keeping healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits, putting off major life decisions as much as possible for a period of time, and finding time to journal or pick up an enjoyable ( new or old) hobby.
Creating a workplace environment that understands loss and facilitates the grieving process will ultimately be more profitable and prevent latent grief from resurfacing in a destructive manner. Helping your employees function at their highest and best within the shortest period of time possible, and being an energetic and engaged employee profits your company, the employee, and serves the greater good.
© 2010 Julia Marrocco All rights reserved
Tags: corporate culture, Corporate Health, Emotional Intelligence, Employee Engagement, Executive Coach, executive coaching, Grief, Leadership, Mental Health, Productivity, profitability, workplace behavior
